Table of Contents
Writer’s block: the arch-nemesis of anyone who’s ever dared to put pen to paper—or fingers to keyboard, if we’re being modern about it. It’s like your brain suddenly decides to go on strike, demanding better conditions or at least a five-minute break that turns into an all-day TikTok binge. There you are, ideas bouncing around like a caffeinated monkey (I like my coffee), and yet, when it comes time to write, it’s like the monkey took a nap. That’s when I pull out my secret weapon—a mantra so simple it’s almost insulting: “Don’t aim for perfection on the first pass; just get the words down.” Yep, no need to be Shakespeare on the first go. Just slap some thoughts onto the page and, voila, the monkey is up and dancing again. It turns out, once you lower the bar to ground level, climbing over it isn’t so hard.
Writer’s block is just one flavour of writing misery. On the other side of this delightful spectrum, we have the tendency to go full-on verbal diarrhoea – typing faster than the speed of thought, cranking out more words than Tolstoy on a caffeine bender (I like my coffee). And before you know it, you’re drowning in a sea of your own words, wondering if maybe, just maybe, less is more. So, what’s the cure for this textual flood? A nice, slow waltz with a pen. Writing by hand— yeah, remember that? It’s like yoga for your brain, forcing you to stretch those mental muscles and actually think before you write. The result? A narrative that doesn’t just ramble on, but actually makes sense. Who knew, right?
Now, let me take you on a little side quest through my own personal writing hell: my thesis. Imagine Frodo’s trek to Mordor, but with fewer orcs and a lot more footnotes. Along the way, I’ve picked up some wisdom from a rogue’s gallery of mentors—witty comedians, grammar-obsessed editors, and writers who make me wonder if I’ll ever—or should—be one of them. Some advice stuck, some didn’t, but it all helped me survive the writing gauntlet.” Here’s a few nuggets that saved my noggin.
1 Don’t Try to Be a Wordsmith with Your First Draft
Embrace the mess – Don’t try to be a wordsmith with your first draft. The first draft is no place for literary gymnastics. It’s more like the creative equivalent of a junk drawer – just toss your ideas in there and sort them out later. Once the mess is on the page, congratulations, you’ve conquered the hardest part. So, don’t try to be a literary genius right out of the gate. Save the wordsmithing for the second draft, or the third, or, let’s be honest, the point where you’ve had so much coffee that your bloodstream is 90% caffeine (I like my coffee) and you’re pretty sure you can hear colours. For now, just focus on putting one word in front of the other, even if those words are more “meh” than masterpiece.
2 Slow Down Your Writing by Putting Pen to Paper
I know, I know, it sounds like something straight out of the Stone Age, but trust me, it works. The slow pace forces you to actually think about what you’re writing, which means you end up with something that’s not just coherent, but maybe even profound. It’s like letting the tortoise take the wheel instead of the hare, and guess what? The tortoise actually wins. And speaking of winning…. 
3 From Blah to Brilliant: How to Spice Up Your Vocabulary
Let’s talk vocabulary. Expanding your repertoire of words can feel like breakdancing at the Summer Olympics – one minute you’re wriggling like a fish, and the next you become a meme, wondering where it all went wrong. You’ve got those fancy words right on the tip of your tongue, but somehow, they decide to bungee jump right back down your throat. You’re stood there, mouth hanging open, looking like a lemon.
Here’s the deal: it’s a “use it or lose it” situation. Sure, Stephen Fry can summon the perfect word like he’s waving a magical British wand – because of course he can – but for us mere mortals, it’s more like a low-budget magic trick that usually ends with a puff of smoke and some very confused onlookers.
My solution? Keep a journal of new words, like a collector of exotic spices, and every now and then, I sprinkle them into my writing like a chef on a culinary rampage. It keeps things interesting, adds a bit of flair (cue the chef’s kiss), and hey, at the very least, it makes me sound smarter. Now, here’s comes the final boss…
4 Reading Your Work Aloud
Reading your work aloud – ah, the ultimate test of your literary prowess. Think of it as karaoke night for your writing, except instead of belting out Bohemian Rhapsody, you’re more like a tone-deaf cat attempting to croon The Lion Sleeps Tonight. You’ll catch all those awkward phrases, the grammatical faceplants, and those sentences that sounded like Shakespeare in your head but unravel like an M. Night Shyamalan plot twist.
But hey, on the bright side, it’s a fantastic way to level up your public speaking game. There’s nothing quite like hearing your own voice dissecting your work to give you the thick skin you’ll need when you finally face a real audience—or, you know, just your cat.
So, there you have it, folks—my writing survival guide. It’s a delicate cocktail of discipline, a splash of inspiration, and just a dash of “what am I doing with my life?” Because let’s be honest, writing isn’t just about crafting pretty sentences. It’s about making sure those sentences actually do something—like hit you in the feels, or at least make you sound like you know what you’re talking about. 
As I continue to stumble down this literary yellow brick road, I’ll keep these tricks up my sleeve, ready to whip out whenever the dark clouds of self-doubt start raining on my parade. Who knows? Maybe one day I’ll even add a few more tricks to this ever-growing bag of writerly wizardry. Or, you know, just figure out how to keep the existential dread to a minimum. Either way, subscribe and stay tuned.
